


woah gender is confusing

by maddylime



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Coming Out, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Oma Kokichi, Other, Trans Character, haha just like me, i wrote this so i can feel valid, it’s rated teen cuz i wrote the f word :0, kokichi is nonbinary and questioning their gender, kokichi uses they/them, takes place in the killing game :(, this one is more fluff like than the other one I did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:27:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26635090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maddylime/pseuds/maddylime
Summary: being nonbinary in a killing game? wow that’s difficult
Relationships: Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 122





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i just think that kokichi being nonbinary is neat  
> is this out of character? idk but im trying!!

Kokichi isn’t a boy. They aren’t a girl either.  


But then, what were they?  


They’re nonbinary, right?  


_Right?!_  


Their gender didn’t really matter most of the time. It was just there. Kokichi only ever really thought bout it when they had to. Like, when someone called them a boy, that would spark their thoughts. Or when someone called them a “he”.  


They would always go straight to: I’m not a boy. But then they would go to: Or am I? And _then_ they would go to: What if I’m just lying again? And even worse, there would always be that thought of: It doesn't matter. No one will accept me.  


Kokichi could lie about a lot of things, their emotions being an example. But unfortunately, gender was really freaking them out. And they couldn’t really lie about something that was so prevalent in their mind.  


To everyone else, they could lie. But not to themself.  


It was just so complicated!  


Did he like he/him pronouns?  


Did they like they/them pronouns?  


Did she like she/her pronouns?  


Can’t they combine them too??? Like, he/they, she/they??? Or she/he/they???  


What the fuck???  


So they decided to just identify as nonbinary and go by they/them pronouns. They didn’t know exactly what label under the nonbinary umbrella they identify as, but that was a whole other level of complicated.  


Like, did they feel part girl??  


Or part boy??  


Or nothing at all??  


Probably, nothing at all, since that feels more accurate to how they’re feeling. But who knows??  


Maybe they _are_ a boy.  


Ew, no, gross. It feels weird to identify like that.  


But it’s fine. Besides, no one really called them a boy _that_ much, right? And if no one straightforwardly calls them a boy, they should be fine! They wouldn’t have a reason to think about gender again!  


Except now.  


What is everyone’s obsession with pointing out that there are men in this killing game???  


Especially, Tenko. Though, Kokichi could guess she probably had some sort of long reason for that.  


And it’s not like it was any of their faults, they didn’t know any better! But it kept the topic of gender in Kokichi’s mind.  


And that sucked.  


They’re already in a killing game??? And now gender has to attack them??  


Everytime someone called them a boy, it felt wrong. And even worse, now he/him pronouns were affecting them even more. Usually, it would be fine enough and they could ignore it. That was probably because they were convincing themself it didn’t hurt. But now, they _couldn’t_ ignore it. It just felt so wrong.  


This was awful. They needed to swallow these emotions and keep them away forever. They needed to burn these thoughts and then burn the ashes too!  


But gosh, it was hard.  


As they mentioned, they could lie about a lot of things, but gender was just fucking with them a little too much.  


That’s why Shuichi could notice the irritated look on their face. Because someone called them a boy _again_ , and it was getting harder and harder for them to not be able to react to it. If _anything else_ had bothered them, Shuichi would have never noticed! But alas, it wasn’t anything else, it was the weird world of gender that was bothering them.  


They walked away from the situation before they could feel any worse, but Shuichi followed him.  


“Kokichi, are you okay?” he asked, his voice gentle. Gentle? With Kokichi? What, did the world turn upside down or something?  


“Yup! Of course I am!” Kokichi lied. Yeah, they couldn’t lie to themselves about gender, but to other people it was fine!  


“Are you sure?” Shuichi asked, again. Jeez, since when did he care so much?  


“Yes! Why do you want to know so badly?” Kokichi countered.  


“I was just…” Shuichi trailed off. Yeah, that’s right. Don't finish your sentence. Let Kokichi overthink their gender in peace.  


“Do you, uh, not want to be called a boy?” Shuichi asked, finishing his thought.  


Oh fuck. And he thinks he’s _not_ a good enough detective?? How’d he figure that out so fast?  


“What makes you think that?” Kokichi deflected.  


“Uh, sorry, I just noticed you don't seem to like being called a boy” Shuichi explained.  


“Noticed how?” Kokichi continued to press for information. They needed to know what they were doing what was making Shuichi think this, so they could make sure to never do it again. Telling others about their gender may be a good way to experiment, but in an unsafe situation like this, they thought they should just keep it to themselves.  


“Well, you seem uncomfortable...I don’t know I can't really describe it” Shuichi explained.  


Can’t describe it? So Kokichi can’t know exactly what they were doing wrong. Just to look less uncomfortable. Ok, got it.  


“Nee-heehee! Well your eyes must deceive you Shuichi because I’m perfectly fine with being called a boy” Kokichi lied. The words hurt a little to say, but it needed to be said. There was no way they were going to tell the truth right there and then.  


“Are you sure?” Shuichi inquired.  


Wow, Shuichi really didn’t believe them.  


“Yes! Jeez!” Kokichi reacted.  


“You can tell me the truth...” Shuichi insisted.  


Wow, Shuichi _really_ didn’t believe them.  


“What, you think I’m lying?” Kokichi challenged.  


“Actually, yes. You seem a little off than the way you usually act” Shuichi explained.  


A little off? What does that mean??  


“And that’s the only basis for your argument??” Kokichi clarified.  


“I guess…” Shuichi responded.  


“Ha! Well, you’re wrong anyway” Kokichi declared and walked away.  


They didn’t know if they handled that right. But they were Kokichi. They were confusing. Hopefully, they confused Shuichi to the point where he never tried to figure out Kokichi again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok there’s one last chapter after this one !!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok well this chapter was self indulgent for me:)

On second thought, maybe they should have told Shuichi.  


Maybe they should have let themselves feel happy for once.  


Maybe then, they wouldn’t be crying outside in the middle of the night.  


It was just all too much. The spiral started again.  


They’re not a boy. Of course they're not a boy. Are they a boy? Was this a mistake? Are they lying again? Are they lying for attention? Is this feeling for attention? Would it even matter? No one cares what they have to think anyway.  


Just over and over again. They needed to cry about it. Outside, where the air was a little cleaner. That case, they wouldn’t break down even more due to how uncomfortable it was in their room.  


They had no idea what they were feeling. Was this dysphoria? When they get uncomfortable when they know people see them as a boy, is that dysphoria? Is the reaction they get when looking at their body dysphoria? 

Or were they pretending? Were they lying again? They always did say they were selfish-  


“Kokichi?”  


Oh shit.  


“Shuichi! Hi!” Kokichi greeted, forcing their face into a smile. Hopefully, their tears aren’t noticeable, but realistically, they probably were. But whatever, they’re just going to lie about how they feel anyway, right?  


“Are you okay?” Shuichi asked, sitting down next to them  


They could lie about this... They _could_. But it hurt to. It hurt to lie sometimes. And was it even worth it? Shuichi was clearly onto them. And he was trustworthy right? Right? He wouldn’t laugh in their face, right? Right? Would he? He would, wouldn't’ he? Just like everyone else.  


“You can trust me” Shuichi reassured. And wow, it felt great to hear those words. What, was Shuichi a mind reader or something? Not that Kokichi believed him wholeheartedly, but it did make them feel a little bit better.  


They still weren’t gonna tell him about anything though.  


They weren’t. Nope. Not at all. No no no.  


Not a chance. Sharing secrets in here is one of the worst things you can do. They can’t trust anyone in here, ok maybe Shuichi, but no, not Shuichi. If they start thinking like tht, they’ll be in trouble. There was no way they were going to tell Shuichi this secret. It’s not like he’d care anyway. Why would he care about them?-  


“I’m not a boy” they blurted, trying to break free of their own thoughts.  


Oh, fuck, they said it. They said it out loud. Out loud! They weren’t supposed to do that.  


“That's okay” Shuichi reassured, turning to look at them.  


That’s okay??? He thinks its okay??? Really? What type of “okay”?  


He didn’t look uncomfortable, if anything he looked like he might accept them…  


But it’s too early to determine that.  


“What do you identify as, then?” Shuichi questioned. It looked as if he was genuinely wanted to know the answer. Like, he cared, just a little bit.  


But Kokichi didn't really know the answer.  


Let’s go through the options.  


Boy? No  


Girl? No  


Nonbinary? ...Sure  


Demiboy? No  


Demigirl? No  


Agender? ....Maybe  


That made sense right? They were nonbinary and agender? Outside of the gender binary and with no gender at all?  


Would Shuichi even understand?  


Did they even make sense??  


“I’m...nonbinary” Kokichi started. Should they even contiune? Maybe Shuichi would stop caring once he heard the exact label. But, when Kokichi looked up at hi, there wasn’t a trace of anything bad in his face. He didn’t seem off put by this at all. So maybe….“And agender. Yeah i’m like, no gender at all, probably” Kokichi continued, speaking quickly and trying to get through the words. Oh God, what happens now? Rejection? Shuichi’s face drops and rejects heir whole gender identity and walks away?  


“Well, I accept you” Shuichi confirmed.  


....Huh? Acceptance? Was that what Kokichi deserved? Was that what was really happening?  


Acceptance. Kokichi was accepted.  


Unless that was a lie. It seemed too good to be true.  


But Shuichi didn’t look like he was lying.  


He was smiling and his eyes looked like he was telling the truth.  


But could he really?  


“I’m, uh, trans by the way. I don’t know if you figured that out yet” Shuichi revealed.  


Oh, maybe that's why he accepted them.  


“What??” Kokichi reacted. They didn’t know Shuichi was trans, they didn’t know that at all. But it made sense now. The reason Shuichi knew something was going on, and the reason he accepted them was all because he had gone through it himself.  


So Kokichi wasn’t alone?...  


“Well, I accept you too!” Kokichi quickly reassured, they didn’t want Shuichi to think they didn’t accept him. Of course they did!  


“Thanks Kokichi” Shuichi smiled, then continued, “Do you uh, need reassurance?”  


Reassurance? Like, what kind? And why was Shuichi being so nice? Was he just this nice of a person?  


“Huh?” Kokichi puzzled. Reassurance sounded nice, just so they could stop thinking for a while. They still couldn’t believe that Shuichi accepted him, or that they deserved to feel accepted, but they knew they couldn't survive in a killing game with this worry constantly on their mind.  


“Like, validation. I need it sometimes and you seemed upset so I was just wondering, but if you don’t want it-” Shuichi explained.  


“I want it” Kokichi interrupted. Woah, Kokichi being honest? Woah. They weren’t even sure what this reassurance would be, but they were definitely curious.  


“Ok.” Shuichi decided and began speaking, “Well, uh, you’re valid, first of all. Your gender identity is completely valid, and, you don’t need to think that it isn’t. And you, uh, can’t let anyone else tell you otherwise. Because they’re not you. And you’re not seeking attention in any way! You just want to be comfortable. And that’s okay. It’s okay to want to be comfortable. You’re nonbinary and that’s okay. It’s okay to be that way. It’s okay to not have a gender and, uh, it’s okay to be confused too. I..I accept you, and I’m not going to tell anyone about this, unless you want me to. I’ll use your pronouns correctly and, wait what are your pronouns?”  


…  


That was...  


Kokichi was taken off guard. They didn’t really expect to be affected by those words like that…but they were.  


It was probably because no one had ever said that to them before. They had never really had anyone who completely accepted them like that.  


There’s always the chance that Shuichi is lying and Kokichi didn’t usually believe anything positive that anyone said to them. But this was… This was…  


Those words made them felt warm inside. They felt...valid. They felt...accepted.  


Did they deserve to feel like that?  


“Kokichi? Are you okay?...” Shuichi asked, his voice concerned and gentle.  


Was Kokichi crying again? A little bit. They just didn’t know how to deal with this support, when they had been struggling for so long.  


“Uh, can I, uh, hug you?” Shuichi hesitated.  


And now he was asking for a hug?? How nice was he??  


Kokichi didn’t answer, they just wrapped their arms around him.  


Their mind kept telling them that they didn’t deserve to feel happy. But Shuichi said otherwise. Maybe their mind should just shut up for now. They can worry about all of their insecurities later. Right now, Shuichi accepted them, so nothing else matters.  


“I go by they/them” Kokichi mumbled into his shirt.  


“Alright. I’ll- I’ll remember that” Shuichi promised.  


“Thank you” Kokichi thanked quietly, their head feeling a little fuzzy. Here they were, being hugged by Shuichi Saihara who accepted them for their gender identity. What a weird sentence, they never thought that would ever happen.  


Once they pulled away, Kokichi put their head on Shuichi’s shoulder, not ready to completely give up the comforting contact.  


“Are you tired?” Shuichi questioned.  


They were tired, but they didn’t want Shuichi to know that. If he found out, then he’d probably leave Kokichi alone to sleep. And they didn't want to be alone.  


“Mmmmm, not really” Kokichi lied.  


They spent a few moments in silence, just sitting there. It was crazy that this was happening and that they were close like this. Kokichi couldn’t believe it. They almost felt comfortable.  


And being this comfortable, they found themselves almost falling asleep.  


“You _are_ tired” Shuichi noticed. Damn it, he figured it out.  


Kokichi sighed, “I don’t want you to leave yet!”  


“Oh, uh, well I won’t” Shuichi replied, hesitantly putting his arm around Kokichi.  


Now they were even more comfortable. They didn't want to think anymore. About gender, about anything. They were nonbinary and that was okay. That’s what Shuichi said, right? Sure, there was still a huge killing game going on, but that's tomorrow's problem.  


All of the worrying and crying probably tired Kokichi out more than they thought. Right now, they just want to go to sleep right here.  


But they couldn’t, they still didn’t trust Shuichi as much as they wanted to.  


So they just sat there with Shuichi for a while. In complete silence. Just enjoying each other's presence.  


It wasn’t long before Shuichi himself fell asleep. 

Kokichi moved slightly to look at his face. He looked cute while he was sleeping.  


Kokichi didn’t want to wake him up, but it was kind of dangerous that they were out here at night. You never know if someone's planning a murder in here.  


“Hey, Shuichi” Kokichi shook his shoulder.  
Shuichi opened his eyes slowly.“Hmm?” he replied, still not fully awake yet.  


“We should get back to our rooms” Kokichi acknowledged.  


“Oh...yeah” Shuichi agreed.  


They slowly got up and walked together to the dormitory,  


But, before Shuichi went inside his room, Kokichi wanted to do something a little special for him. Just to thank him a little.  


“Goodnight Shuichi” Kokichi kissed his cheek and quickly walked away.  


“G-goodnight” Shuichi replied, sounding flustered, just like Kokichi expected.  


Kokichi smiled to themself. Wow, what a weird day this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading !!!!!! *sends you heart through the screen*


End file.
